Storm Cloud

A distinct disconnect between the lightening and the cloud

Thunder echoes through the dark hills

Static stings in the air

A night so hot and humid

Stars hide behind a gray blanket

Pretending they don’t exist

The only thing that seems real to me

Is the fantasy of love’s kiss

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The Notebook

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A tree which proves that we can grow through even the hardest of places to become what we were always meant to be.

“You changed my mind back to what you made it up to be.”

Two months ago I moved into my very first apartment. My whole 27 years has been lived in a house, apart from now. I am still anguished from culture shock. The neighbors above me are loud; rude; vacuüm at odd hours clodhoppers. The 4 year old next door is constantly crying and peeking through the cracks into my patio to get a glimpse of my dog… which in turn inspirits him to trample my garden to get a closer glance of her.

Heavens, I need a squirt bottle for both!

It isn’t all bad. I do get to indulge in the occasional wine/jacuzzi night and drinks by the pool kind of days.

To commemorate my 3rd month here, I decided to spend my day off finally unpacking my art room. I call it my “creative space,” which in reality translates to, “my super-messy, only I know exactly where everything is don’t you dare touch it” room.

While unpacking bags I stumbled across a few of my old school notebooks. They date back to 2009 & earlier. Flipping through the pages, I see that they should be kept. Written among the boring school notes are small personal notes to myself, one note said, “Make sure you study extra hard this time, you keep daydreaming.” Doodles line the pages and short thought-up quotes teeter between the lines.

Reading old forgotten letters reminded me of what was happening during this time in my life.

I was struggling, like we all do at some point in our lives, with heartbreak. The words written are compelling, here I am 5 years later, tearing up. It got to me, all over again. I was reminded of the agony of love’s puncture in the heart.

It hurt, especially knowing how it all falls apart in the end, but here I am. Weathered by the torment, yet stronger from it. At that time I knew I felt like life would never be as good again, that love cannot exist within myself anymore, but again, here I am.

Love has a strange way of flattening us down and then elevating us up again.

If you are suffering from heartbreak, hang in there. It does get better.

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I remember

There will always be part of me that holds on to the past

Always perplexed by how time flies so fast

The moments that have stopped me on a dime

The moments that have blown my mind

Love is real no matter what cynics say

Hate  exists, sadly, to this day

There was a point when I thought it was best to let go

Then I found the memory I needed so

I keep this with me everywhere I might be

I think of you, I think of me

I remember the jokes

The laughs, your smokes

I remember that time we ran and you fell

I remember I swore I’d never tell

I don’t know where I’d be without your memory

In my heart you will always be

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Don’t stress, little one

It’s really not that bad

This way of negative thinking will only drive you mad

Stop counting the hours

Never give a clock that much power

Take a deep breath

Feel that?

That’s air in your lungs

The most precious gift given to you, little one

Don’t let stress control when you’re done.

 

Don’t stress, little oneIt’s really not that badThis

Aside

Life is short and time is swift

Grow up. Why? Do I have to?

I’m telling you, if I could fly off to Never-Never-Land I would. Often times I find myself consumed in nostalgia, I look at childhood photos and flashback to that day. There’s one in particular of my dog and I when I was 8 years old, Nikki. I remember that day so clearly, my eldest brother was out in the backyard taking pictures of my siblings with my dog and all I wanted was to be included. He kept telling me I couldn’t go on the grass because I was too young and would step in dog poop. I begged and pleaded then finally, he invited me to take a picture, as well. I was elated!

With a heavy-heart, Nikki has been in Doggy Heaven for 13 years now. As I have said before, time will always win the race of life. We really do need to slow ourselves down.

Reminiscing of the “good ol’ days” clouds my eyes. My heart feels heavy with each memory, I can’t help but mourn the loss of my childhood. Everything was so simple then, cookies made me happy, we went on frequent family camping trips, and Nikki was the only friend I ever needed. One day my brothers became “too old” for our camping trips, and eventually, I guess I did, too.

My family is ever-growing, I have seven nieces and nephews with one more on the way. We get together as often as possible, but it never seems to be enough. Time is a funny thing, really. We never appreciate it when we’re younger, and then one day our time will be up and we’ll be wondering where it all went. However, we are young; we still have time.

Sadly, I know that 10 years from now I’ll be looking back at tonight and shake my head at myself. Youth is something that is underappreciated when we have it and missed when gone.

The truth is, life is short. We do need to stop to smell the roses and enjoy the smiles, laughter, and hugs from all that we love. Remember, time will always win.

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