“You changed my mind back to what you made it up to be.”
Two months ago I moved into my very first apartment. My whole 27 years has been lived in a house, apart from now. I am still anguished from culture shock. The neighbors above me are loud; rude; vacuüm at odd hours clodhoppers. The 4 year old next door is constantly crying and peeking through the cracks into my patio to get a glimpse of my dog… which in turn inspirits him to trample my garden to get a closer glance of her.
Heavens, I need a squirt bottle for both!
It isn’t all bad. I do get to indulge in the occasional wine/jacuzzi night and drinks by the pool kind of days.
To commemorate my 3rd month here, I decided to spend my day off finally unpacking my art room. I call it my “creative space,” which in reality translates to, “my super-messy, only I know exactly where everything is don’t you dare touch it” room.
While unpacking bags I stumbled across a few of my old school notebooks. They date back to 2009 & earlier. Flipping through the pages, I see that they should be kept. Written among the boring school notes are small personal notes to myself, one note said, “Make sure you study extra hard this time, you keep daydreaming.” Doodles line the pages and short thought-up quotes teeter between the lines.
Reading old forgotten letters reminded me of what was happening during this time in my life.
I was struggling, like we all do at some point in our lives, with heartbreak. The words written are compelling, here I am 5 years later, tearing up. It got to me, all over again. I was reminded of the agony of love’s puncture in the heart.
It hurt, especially knowing how it all falls apart in the end, but here I am. Weathered by the torment, yet stronger from it. At that time I knew I felt like life would never be as good again, that love cannot exist within myself anymore, but again, here I am.
Love has a strange way of flattening us down and then elevating us up again.
If you are suffering from heartbreak, hang in there. It does get better.